A Place

Terkadang aku juga butuh yang namanya ‘tempat’.

Dimana aku tahu guna apa diriku.

Dimana aku akan diakui.

Dimana aku akan diberi label.

Mungkin, dimana aku akhirnya mendapat kawan seperjuangan.

Tapi apa daya ketika ternyata aku berada di tempat itu hanya untuk sekedar memenuhi ‘jumlah’? Terlebih ketika aku percaya sejujurnya aku bisa lebih baik daripada sekedar memenuhi jumlah itu.

Tapi untung saja seseorang memberikanku ‘tempat’ lain yang setidaknya bisa membuatku tersenyum simpul.

Sayangnya ‘tempat’ itu hanya berlaku sementara. Ketika masa berlakunya habis katanya aku harus segera pergi dan kembali ke ‘tempat’ yang lama. Sedikit membuatku sedih memang, atau mungkin sangat sedih.

Jadi sekarang hanya tertinggal beberapa bulan lagi sebelum masa berlaku itu habis. Setelahnya, aku terkadang hanya bisa bertanya-tanya: ‘Bagaimana aku nanti setelah ini berakhir? Akankah aku tahu guna apa diriku? Akankah aku diakui? Ah tidak butuh untuk diakui sebenarnya, aku hanya butuh dihargai dan dianggap ada. Itu saja.’

Ya. Mungkin itu saja.

 

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How Much Longer?

The very first thing that came to my mind was you.

How much longer this crush last?

How  much longer these lies needed to bear?

How much longer do I have to endure this?

How much longer will I, will you, recognize me?

Do I have to say it all loud?

That maybe you’re never going to be the one, no, it’s so clear. I can see the end of this road even though the end is a very long way, but still, I’m still walking on the same road.

Once again,

I found myself writing this. Writing about you.

A love that will never be mine.

What will you do if you have a power?

nb: grammar error everywhere!

What will you do if you have a power?

 

Power is mostly about freedom, i think.

A very special freedom that not everyone could have. A very special freedom which could be got not that easy, you have to work hard and sacrificing some things or maybe even sacrificing yourself. A freedom which let you do whatever you wanna do. A freedom which let you to be respected by others. A freedom which give so much thing you could never imagine.

I used to aim that kind of freedom or maybe I still do. But now, I kind of hating it.

I hate it. I hate a freedom  with no responsibility.  A freedom that lead off the beam. A freedom that cause other people suffer and changed, making innocent people to have grudges, jealousy and all.

And now maybe I am one of those people who have the grudges and jealousy because of that freedom – power. People who have freedom tend to do whatever they want to do without thinking other parties that could get the effect. They tend to think shortly, as long as they and their close people are alright and get no harm, it’s really fine for them.

But they didn’t think other people, other parties like me.

I am one of those people who could only watch silently to those people who use their freedom wrong. Giving advantages to other people who doesn’t deserve the pleasure, that there are so many people who actually deserve it but didn’t get it because the are not in the priority list of one who get the power.

Just because you have the power, that doesn’t mean you can do everything you want, you also have responsibility. And never bring the name of love in that power. It’s the worst thing in power itself. Just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean you give that person your priority regarding the power you have.

Humans are greedy and so am I.  Humans full of grudges and so am I.

If I have the power, I honestly don’t know what I am gonna do. I’m so afraid that I’ll be just like the people before me, the people who use their power wrong, change people to be someone full of grudges and jealousy, and discriminate people who’s not in my number one priority.

And now I am asking you, what till you do if you have the power?