I don’t know if ‘worn-out’ suits my condition this time. I’m surely exhausted. Not only physically but also mentally.
I wasn’t in a good mood these days to write anything. Of course there were a lot thoughts and scenarios playing in my mind and when I started to type the first word, that passion and the will to write is just gone instantly. Then, there was something that hit me so hard, causing me to sob all the night, and made me want to write something just to tell the world. Even if the way I’ll write this isn’t beautiful.
Hey, I’ll tel you a story of mine. I don’t need your pity if you feel so after reading this. This is the life I chose to live and your pity can’t change it. So, here I am. I am not Miss So-Oh-Popular nor Miss Being-Bullied. I was a normal high school who once catch the school’s attention because I was dating someone. And my story begin with a question:
Have you ever feel like you’ve done everything for everyone and yet they never appreciate that?
I do understand how people will look for something or someone to fulfil what they need. In particular thing, a person. They will look for me when there is something need to be done. I was always there and I was willing to help everything. I didn’t want to be “all-yes-man” but it just did because no one was willing to do it and if I didn’t do that instant then that thing would be a huge mess. And after I finished that thing. they will just leave me and I convince myself that I am okay. every single time.
I didn’t ask for something big for what i have done to them. In fact, they was never thankful to what I have done. A simple thanks was enough, I don’t need money to buy fuel because me myself can buy it. I don’t need them to treat me meals because I can make them myself. All I want is your company, friends.
I have no special friend which they called “best-friend”. I did have one back them I was in 10th grade. And different class is what made us not close anymore. I thought the new class was a great thing. I was wrong. They have their own group which consist of several persons. I know there are about 3 block in my class yet I joined none of them. I simply hate it.
I don’t want to be in this side or that side. I guess that’s why I’m not so close with them. I always smile to them simply because I don’t want them to start talking about me behind my back. Every thing which is different from them, they will start to mock and talking bad things. Even myself did that to for once. But I realized that was something unfair and I stop joining any blocks.
Sometimes being alone was great. No one will judge me because I don’t join any and absolutely doing any. But sometimes I want someone who will consider me as a best friend.
Sometimes I just want a best friend.