Dear N

Dear N

This letter needs to start from an apologize words from me. I truly am sorry.

It was Sunday when I first saw your lover. He was wearing black t-shirt and pick me up to his ‘workplace’ every Sunday, well I had something to do there and I didn’t know the precise location. I contacted him through my friend, and she gave me his number. I text him as clear and as polite as I can.

I clearly remember when he picked me up. He came closer with kids from his work-place. He was somehow look puzzled when he saw me and I just gave a small smile to make sure he knew it was me who contacted him.

“Over this way,” he said.

Then I followed him, the road was quite bad but somehow felt so good because the were some sheep passed by. It was such a pleasuring sight in mids of town. We were awkward, there was nobody except him and me ofcourse.

Soon we started what we should do. Yes, we teach the kids around the place. We gather them and teach them subjects they struggle to understand. And some words exchanged from our lips to fill the awkward moment.

The time was up and I told him I need to leave right away. He said thankyou for the visit and I told him it’s okay the kids there was fun. And a kid told us a joke which made me be like a stone.

“Your boyfriend is waiting. Go home quick!”

I gave the kid a awkward smile and he did the same way too. I said goodbye politely and we did part ways.

My friend which is his co-worker asked me how it was in the workplace and I said that it went really well. We talked many things because we haven’t met like ages. Then I told this joke to her, “He’s kinda cute you know, we were really awkward. But he’s a bit short for a guy.”

I didn’t know that my joke was delivered to him. I knew it when he said thanks for coming through messages and I did reply him because why not. Then he asked me about my hometown which is actually his hometown too. And he said, “I didn’t know that the world is this small.”

I knew through messages that he somehow attracted to me and I just smile everytime he text me or say something cute and always make me squeal.

Then it started to happen, the love- dovey aura between us. He said he was fascinated by how I was doing interactions with the kids during the visit. Then you know, those butterflies in your stomach started to burst out. 8

I told my friend that our chat last longer than I thought it would be. But she said , “He already has a girlfriend.”


Dear N,

Believe me that at the moment I thought that this isn’t right.

Then maybe I needed to back off. I didn’t want to be the third party of your relationship and I don’t.

We still sending message even though I know I need to stop. I told him I know that he already has a girlfriend and it’s you, N. But he said, “Yes. But I don’t know why I like you when I have her.”

Feelings are sometimes confusing. It happened to me too. When I have feelings for other when I have a heart to keep. And believe me, I didn’t know how it happened but I did wrong when I chose to take the risk, to choose my lust and not my rational mind.

I need to back off.

I need to back off.

But, I was happy. And I was being greedy.

Somehow I can’t control myself, I was fallen too deep. I can’t hide my happiness when it come to him. It’s hard to back off. There were some times that I forget he already has you. And to be honest, I was kinda sad that he is yours.

I know the barrier between friends and what’s more than that, but me and him, we both seemed not bothered by it and we let it slip. We chose to let it flow even though we didn’t discuss it.

We were ignoring the fact that he has you and the friend-line. And for that I am truly sorry, N.

My feeling getting bigger and bigger. And I think I knew from the start that I will have feelings since he pick me up on Sunday.

I am sorry that I have to admit that we acted like couple. Holding hands, glittering eyes full of love, send lovey-dovey message, him coming to my home, he said he loves me and i told him so do I, and we —–

We —-

I am really sorry, I want to forget that he’s yours because I thought he chose me. He never did something like that with you, only with me, and I don’t know I should be happy or sad.

Dear N,

But I was wrong. He didn’t choose me. In the end he chose you.

You knew. You knew that he was with a girl watching movie at cinema. The girl is me. It’s our date. I keep him by my side, hold his hand, rest my head on his shoulder, smell his torso and he kissed my forehead. And I am so happy to have him by my side without knowing that your friend was watching us.

I know that it’s so wrong. But I want to be loved too, like yo. And I am no patient and that’s why it’s wrong. I should’ve push myself away from you and him.

Dear N,

The day that you told him you knew. He was so different. It was the first time I receive the cold shoulder. And I know the time might be coming very soon. The time to end this all.

I spent days with not knowing what to do. With my longing feeling for him. I am not okay. Then I knew it’s gonna happen when he called me. I knew it coming from his long breath, his words, and his sound.

He said we should end this. Then I knew he chose you. I know the ending from the very fist time but I took the risk. I said nothing and with emotion-less I said “Yes, we should end this.”

I know he surprised. I know he expect me to be hold him, to not let him go for a moment and in the end let gim go. I know he wanted me to say that I don’t want this to end this soon. But I know eventually, no matter what I do or say, it would be nothing. We end. That’s why I said “Okay, we end.”

I don’t know wether it’s hard for him or not because he has you no matter the decision is. But it’s hard for me. And I regret to let him do whatever he want to me because I want it too. I should’ve hold my self. Then in the end I said, okay I let you go.

Dear N,

I know that you might be upset. You might be so angry towards me and him.  You might curse us with all of your anger. But I told you, please don’t, it’s not because I am afraid to you or anything else. Yes, you have all the right to do so but please don’t. Because somehow I think you’re a dear in the eyes of God.

God saved you from a boy like him. God clearly give you a way to let that kind of boy not be your future, but it’s your choice if you still choose him to be yours. God give you pain to see how much you struggle because you might be stronger. But you still choose him, then he’s all yours.


It doesn’t mean that God don’t love me. Becuse God give me a rock on my way to be a better person. He’s a test for me. Wether I still walking on God’s way or choose him.

And my faith isn’t strong. I am no good person yet. I was lulled by him.

Dear N,

I really am sorry. For making you sad.

Dear boy,

I really am sorry. For making you choose between me and her, making you betrayed your lover.

Dear myself,

I am sorry to let you hurt again for the nth time. I am sorry to let you choose the wrong path again. Please let this be your story you won’t repeat.


Dormitory Life – Asrama Mahasiswa ITS

Hello!! I’m back with not fictional story! But a real one ehehe ‘-‘

Jadi, 2 tahun hidup merantau di Surabaya ini aku tinggal di Asrama. Yup, Asrama Mahasiswa ITS! Cek info ini dulu yaaa

Jadi sewaktu aku sudah keterima di ITS aku bingung banget tuh mau nge-kos dimana karena aku engga ada keluarga yang menetap di Surabaya. Waktu verifikasi raport dan tes kesehatan aku lewat Asrama Mahasiswa ITS yang memang lokasinya di dalem kampus dan Ayah otomatis langsung menyarankan buat tinggal di sana. Bagi para orangtua mungkin keamanan anak sewaktu tinggal jauh adalah yang utama.

Pendaftaran Asrama Mahasiswa ITS dilakukan sekitar bulan Juli, sewaktu pendaftaran ulang mahasiswa baru jalur Mandiri. Sehingga semua mahasiswa mendapatkan kesempatan yang sama untuk daftar, jalur SNMPTN, SBMPTN, maupun Mandiri. Ada kuotanya masing-masing jangan khawatir 🙂

Saat ini ada sekitar 9 gedung dengan jenis kamar bermacam-macam sebagai berikut:

  1. Gedung Putri
    • Gedung A, B, C dan D : 1 kamar 4 orang, 1 kamar 2 orang, 1 kamar 1 orang. Semua kamar mandi luar.
    • Gedung H dan J : 1 kamar 2 orang kamar mandi dalam
  2. Gedung Putra
    • Gedung E : 1 kamar 4 orang, 1 kamar 2 orang, 1 kamar 1 orang. Semua kamar mandi luar
    • Gedung G dan I : 1 kamar 2 orang kamar mandi dalam


Waktu itu aku mendaftar di Gedung H lantai 2. Namun karena pendaftaran menggunakan sistem prioritas dimana mahasiswa/i bidikmisi, luar pulau jawa dan luar jawa timur akan diterima terlebih dahulu, jadi perlu menunggu sekitar seminggu untuk menerima konfirmasi penerimaan. Waktu itu sempat ditelfon pihak Asrama karena kamar yang kupilih sudah penuh. Jadinya, aku pindah ke lantai 3. Tepatnya di kamar H-322.


Sewaktu daftar ulang itu kamu juga bisa langsung pindah ke kamarmu. Sudah ada pengumuman kok nantinya apa saja yang harus dibawa, antara lain uang deposit yang berbeda untuk setiap jenis kamar dan materai. Jangan khawatir kalau lupa membawa materai, biasnya kantor asrama menyediakannya kok.


  1. Kamar
    • Kamar di twin block (Gedung G, H, I dan J) memiliki fasilitas lebih dari segi luas kamar, fyi kalian engga akan dapat kamar seluas itu dengan harga yang terbilang cukup murah. Kalaupun ada, fasilitasnya engga maksimal, mungkin kasurnya yang engga spingbed dll. 1 kamar ada 5 lampu penerangan antara lain 1 lampu otomatis di tengah kamar yang menyala jam 5 sore sampe jam 5 pagi, 1 lampu di dekat pintu masuk, 1 lampu di atas meja belajar, 1 lampu di atas meja belajar satunya dan 1 lampu kamar mandi. Kalau yang di single block kurang tahu sih, cuman engga terlalu luas kamarnya tapi aku suka meja belajarnya karena muat banyak benda.
  2. Ruang Belajar
    • Ruang belajar ada di setiap gedung. Biasanya kalau di kamar kalian engga dapat sinyal wifi, di tempat inilah para pencari wifi berkumpul. Ada AC nya, kalau engga ada AC pasti diganti kipas, kursinya super nyaman. So tipsnya: cari kamar yang dekat dengan Ruang Belajar supaya dapat sinyal WiFi! Untuk twin block, lantai 2 kamar 201-203 dan 215-217! Lantai 3 301-302 dan 315-316! Untuk lantai 4 401 dan 415!
  3. Aula Asrama
    • Aula asrama ini adalah tempat berkumpulnya mereka yang mengerjakan laporan dan tugas lainnya. Boleh untuk non-penghuni asrama, cuman dibatasi oleh jam. Biasanya Bapak Penjaga Asrama akan memperingati bahwa jam sudah menunjukkan pukul setengah 10. Kalau engga segera keluar biasanya kendaraan yang diparkir di parkiran tamu, bannya dikempesin. Dan kendaraan gak bisa masuk di parkiran penghuni kecuali buat penghuni. Bakalan ketahuan kok, karena penghuni nanti punya stiker kendaraan dan Bapak Penjaga engga malas buat ngecekin satu- per satu motor penghuni. Fyi, ini awal-awal doang si, lama-lama juga engga wkwkw
  4. Kantin Asrama
    • Sekarang asrama sudah punya kantin dan minimarket! Untuk makan berat kalian bisa makan di sini kalau mager mau keluar, ada juga stand roti bakar, nasi kuning, pentol jamur, dll. Fyi, semenjak ada kantin dan minimarket, aku jadi jarang berhemat.
  5. Laundry
    • Laundry asrama ini ada di blok H lantai 1. So buat para cowok mesti hati-hati kalau masuk ke gedung H buat laundry baju. Ini gratis antar jemput sebenenrnya. Untuk penghuni Gedung H, siap-siap buat dengerin anak Ibu laundry yang tiap pagi nyanyi-nyanyi teriak lucu gitu ‘-‘
  6. Parkiran Luas dan Aman
    • Dijamin aman! Sekarang parkiran sudah diperluas karena tahun kemarin yang bawa kendaraan banyak banget. Tapi mesti hati-hati ya sama helm!
  7. Shelter sepeda
    • Buat kalian yang engga punya kendaraan sendiri, tenang! Di asrama ada shelter sepeda kampus kok! Kalian bisa pinjam sepeda nya, tinggal nyerahin ktp udah bisa kalian bawa itu sepeda buat ngampus!


  1. Namanya Asrama, ada namanya jam malam. Jadi jam 11 malam, portal masuk asrama akan ditutup, jadi buat kalian yang bawa kendaraan bermotor gak bisa masuk. Eits! Tapi biasanya aku ke gazebo asrama, bapak penjaga biasanya disana, aku minta kunci gembok, paling ditanya kenapa kok pulang malam. Waktu tahun pertama paling aku pulang malam alasannya karena pengkaderan. Tapi waktu tahun ke-2 alasan yang paling sering adalah karena rapat organisasi
  2. Buat kalian yang mau paket barang ke Asrama, tinggal tulis aja alamat asrama: Asrama Mahasiswa ITS Blok H-322 (Sesuai blok dan nomor kamar). Kampus ITS Sukolilo. Surabaya 60111. Kalau mau ambil paket tinggal ke pos jaga asrama di depan, nanti tinggal tanya aja “Pak, ada paket buat H-322?”
  3. Berusahalah seakrab mungkin dengan teman sekamarmu! Mungkin ada yang memang sengaja 1 kamar dengan teman SMA nya sendiri, tapi juga ada yang seperti saya dapat teman kamar random, jadi baru tahu teman sekamar sewaktu pindah. Namanya tinggal bersama 1 kamar, privacy pun harus juga saling menghormati, pahami waktu belajar dan istirahat temanmu. Kalau temanmu belajar atau istirahat berusahalah untuk tidak menganggu. Buatlah jadwal piket kamar, kalau pun saat itu jadwal temanmu yang bersih-bersih kamu juga harus bilang ‘permisi ya’ ketika dia bersih-bersih apalagi jongkok-jongkok bersihin kotoran di bawah mejamu! Saling pahami dan mengerti teman kalian! Jangan sampai kejadian berantem atau apapun yang bikin hubungan engga enak. Pernah satu kali temen di asrama berantem, engga tau kamar berapa pokoknya di lantai 3. Berantem sambil teriak-teriak karena udah engga tahan katanya, udah mendem dari awal semester, engga cocok satu sama lain. Jangan sampai seperti itu ya!
  4. Sebenernya asrama hanya diperuntukkan untuk mahasiswa baru, tapi setiap tahun selalu ada pendaftaran perpanjangan asrama dengan syarat mau menjadi pengurus asrama. Jadi pengurus tugasnya engga berat kok, cuma bantu waktu pendaftaran asrama, jadi senior dan contoh yang baik buat adek-adeknya di gedung masing-masing. Kalau ada yang ditanyakan sudah seharusnya membantu karena sudah tahu dan lebih dulu di asrama

Sekian 🙂